The Boy Becomes A Man

"In life, many thoughts are born in the course of a moment, an hour, a day. Some are dreams, some visions. Often, we are unable to distinguish between them. To some, they are the same; however, not all dreams are visions. Much energy is lost in fanciful dreams that never bear fruit. But visions are messages from the Great Spirit, each for a different purpose in life. Consequently, one person's vision may not be that of another. To have a vision, one must be prepared to receive it, and when it comes, to accept it. Thus when these inner urges become reality, only then can visions be fulfilled. The spiritual side of life knows everyone's heart and who to trust. How could a vision ever be given to someone to harbor if that person could not be trusted to carry it out. The message is simple: commitment precedes vision." - High Eagle

I have to say that it's the last line that is and has been striking me to the core lately. I didn't know who High Eagle was five minutes ago. I simply typed "commitment" into a Google search engine. That led me to quotes about commitment. Hence, High Eagle's words. Click on the title if you want more of High Eagle's wisdom. And now, I am finding myself in this exact moment taken aback by the poignancy and power as it pertains to my life.

Commitment means a great deal to me. It hasn't always. I have been a drifter. I have floated through life in many ways, accepting things as they came, not allowing myself to get caught up in different dramas or expectations of others. I think it is safe to say that I have always lived my life to the beat of my own proverbial drummer. In many ways, that has been tremendous for me. In others it has been hurtful, not only to myself but to those who have chosen to involve themselves in my life. I see that clearly right now. I have been able to form my own ideas, live according to my rules, and not worry about those rules to which so many others adhere. That has given me many wonderful qualities as a man. Or has it? Maybe those have been the qualities of a boy?

Commitment makes a man, at least in my new found opinion. I'm done being a boy. I don't have to lose the child to become the man. I don't want to lose the boy. I have always been afraid of that, but I'm seeing for the first time that I have been harboring unwarranted fear. I just have to know when to use the boy and when to use the man. They can each have the time they deserve. I can still be happy without losing or compromising. The time is now for commitment. Sure, this goes along with the "torpedo" post, but this has more for me.

I have not been committed to me. How can I commit to anything when I have not respected myself enough to commit to me? I have not been committed to the idea that I can be successful. That I can have money. That I deserve love. That I am worthy of peace, happiness and family. Why have I committed myself to having to scrape by financially? To struggling with relationships in myriad ways? To operating from a place of lack? Truly, I have stolen from myself my own birthright. A common thief in my own space, in my own mind, in my own life.

Today, this boy is taking back his birthright. Today, this boy is declaring his manhood. Today, from now on and forever, this new man is claiming what he justly deserves. I am deserving of success, money, happiness, love, family, and anything else I healthfully desire in my life. I thought I was a man. Now I know that most of my adult life has been a lie to myself. I was and have been a boy masquerading as a man. The authorization to prance around in self-deceit has been revoked. I will no longer allow that. It's time for balance between the boy and the man. When I am honest with myself, I realize that being a good man is fine, but I have always wanted nothing less then being something great. I am embracing that, and I find myself shaking as I do.

What will this bring? Tears are here, nervousness is here, a little fear finds its way into my mind and heart. And to all those things, I say, "Welcome." As a man, I have room to lovingly embrace all that entails being a man. One of my favorite lines of Shakespeare is from Macbeth. "I dare do all that may become a man; who dares do more is none." Admiration is great. Respect, wonderful. But truth in action is unparalleled. Help me live my truth.